The summation most people from the U.S. know about Mexico can be expressed in a single piece of advice: Don’t drink the water. The subtext isn’t that subtle. Mexico is dangerous, even the water can kill you. Movies like Sicario (“hitman” in Spanish) don’t help.

“Don’t drink the water.”

Your Well-Meaning Friend Who has never been to mexico, or any other country

It’s not totally white-person hysteria, like “Africanized” bees, violent video games, or which bathroom a transgendered person uses. If you are a Mexican citizen, Mexico can be incredibly dangerous depending on where you live. Rich tourists? Not so much.

 

Mexico’s homicide rate is 4 times that of the U.S., but in 2021 only about 70 U.S. citizens were killed there. Considering roughly 25 million visit each year, let’s dial back the concern. You are 4,000 times more likely to die in a car crash than get murdered in Mexico. Maybe don’t drink the water while driving, lest you take your eyes off the road in what could be a momentous split second?

How about kidnappings? Most people who are kidnapped in Mexico are Mexican citizens, though the crime is not evenly distributed geographically across the country. It’s not a thing in the heavy touristed states, like Baja California Sur where Cabo is located. According to the U.N. Office of Drugs and Crime, of the top 50 countries with the highest kidnapping rates as a percentage of the population in 2023, Mexico is number 48. While the U.S. is not on the list, our friendly neighbor to the north is: Canada is number 4. What is going on up north? New Zealand, number 7. The U.K., 10. Turkey takes the top spot. Apparently there are consequences for accidentally calling Istanbul Constantinople.

 

Mexico being dangerous fits a narrative some Americans share though politely never voice. Mexico is poor and undeveloped. Mexicans are uneducated and simple. Cartels kidnap and torture at whim. Lawlessness reigns. Trump voiced these fears in his infamous escalator campaign launch event, which is on-brand for Trump, saying the quiet part out loud to the chagrin of polite society. (The idiots among us mistake this for confidence, which it isn’t.)

 

To paraphrase what the failed insurrectionist said, Mexican rapists and murderers are pouring across the border to rape and kill all-American blonde cheerleader McKenzie Everygirl while she sleeps safely in her tastefully decorated, teenage bedroom. Your uglier, less popular, moody daughter with purple hair could be next!

As if. Most just want a better life for their children.

So Mexico has a reputation that’s not super positive and, maybe, not entirely deserved. Let’s see for ourselves why so many U.S. citizens love to cross the infamous southern border. Maybe we should consider living there? And will I drink the water?

Tequila is not even a drink; it’s a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

Dylan Moran

From Atlanta Hartsfield International and Delta flight number 1945, we are cleared for departure on runway 2 7 Right. After a slight left turn, we fly straight to San Jose.

Hasta luaga, mi amigos. Stay thirsty.