Welcome Aboard

Good morning! I write to you from JFK, our gateway to the world these many years we’ve lived in NYC. Idlewild (the name of JFK before JFK) is showing its age, so renovations are underway. The Port Authority of NY & NJ runs things, which means it’ll take twenty years and be 200% over budget while friends of the Governors of New York and New Jersey get fantastically rich. Still, it’s a good idea.

LGA is about done with its nip/tuck, and the completed areas look more befitting a sophisticated NYC airport and less “third world,” as President Biden famously quipped. Honestly, every third world airport I’ve ever used was nicer than LGA or JFK. The bar is low. We New Yorkers were happy with the piss stained carpets and naked hostility from employees — it’s how we knew we were home again — but tourists complained.

Itinerary

We begin this sojourn crossing The North Atlantic, transferring in London, and then flying due south to Johannesburg, South Africa. We sleep while flying over Africa, and land tomorrow morning. If the Gods of Travel smile upon us, we are expecting 20 hours of travel.

From London to South Africa we are flying on a Boeing 787, The Dreamliner. Boeing is having a rough year. A safety system on the 737 Max kept killing people because it went rogue. Pilots weren’t properly trained because re-certifying pilots is expensive and airlines really hate doing it. So the good folks at Boeing, trying to save their clients money, just didn’t mention it. When the planes crashed, they blamed the pilots. Boeing asked, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Are we all sure black and brown people from other countries can really fly planes?” When pilots from the U.S. also complained, the FAA determined something had to be done immediately. By this point 346 people had died. Then a door plug on an Alaskan Airlines flight, also a 737 Max, blew out after takeoff. Passengers reported the extra light and view were nice, but the intense wind proved loud and uncomfortable. It was also chilly. Picky consumers. They, at least, lived.

Airline companies like the 787 because a lighter plane uses less fuel, which enables direct flights to distant cities. However, there has been drama. Lithium batteries on board caught fire, causing the FAA to ground the fleet in 2013. Boeing has recently suspended deliveries after quality issues on the production line. A Quality Control Manager turned whistleblower (citing a culture from management of cutting corners) at the South Carolina assembly facility committed suicide. Another whistleblower recently testified to the FAA warning that the composite material the 787 is made of will eventually fail suddenly, causing a catastrophic mid-air breakup. The FAA is now investigating.

Unlike metal, composite materials don’t slowly deform before failing. They shatter, giving no warning. Boeing says all this unpleasantness seems silly to them, everything is fine, and they absolutely do not retaliate against whistleblowers, especially the ones who commit suicide after years of what looks a lot like retaliation. Plus, show me evidence of a vehicle made from similar composite materials suddenly and catastrophically failing while under pressure killing everyone on board!

I digress.

If we survive the flight across Africa, we spend the night in Joburg and have dinner with Seranne, our lovely travel coordinator, and her husband. I was curious to see more of the city, so we’re going out to eat at a local steakhouse. I feel very fortunate Seranne offered to dine with us. Spending time with American tourists is my idea of Hell.

Early the next morning, we depart for Namibia and should arrive in camp before the evening game drive.

Our trip takes place in 3 acts, which coincidentally is how many lodges we are visiting.

Act One, Sossusvlei

Here we watch the stars, tramp on big dunes, and soar with the ocean winds in a hot air balloon. A helicopter is also involved. Other activities include eating and drinking.

Act two, Onduli Ridge

Onduli Ridge is further north in Damaraland. We will fly on a charter due to the region’s remoteness, on a plane so small and uncomfortable you hope for death because, then, you can finally stretch your legs. Here we can opt to sleep in the elements, under the desert stars, in a king size bed. Activities include e-biking, hiking, eating, and even more drinking. The topography is rockier, and we will hopefully see some black and white rhinos before the Chinese kill them all. More on that later.

Act Three, Little Ongava

Little Ongava is located east and on The Ongava Game Reserve. The topography is different here too, despite its close proximity to our prior lodge. There is more vegetation, as we are closer to water. Activities include eating and drinking, among other things like snacking and sipping. We are close to Etosha National Park, which provides ample opportunity for a variety of game. Of course, who could forget all the birds! We can all look forward to me pretending to care about birds, like the African Grey Lake Bootie and The Red Eagle Narcoleppie. No, I did not just make those up.

Okay, I made those up.

We finish our story in Windhoek, recovering in Namibia’s capital before the long journey home.

I’ve been up since 2 AM, my body clock is already on West Africa Time, and this plane is rolling. From Virgin Atlantic flight 2 6 on runway 1 3 R, we are cleared for departure. Let’s go pet a lion and see what happens.