I survived LAX, which is large, about 3,500 acres large, or roughly four times bigger than Central Park.  In 2019, before the unpleasantness of 2020, LAX handled 88 million people.  In 2022 Atlanta took the top spot as busiest airport in the U.S., with LAX in at number two.  These rankings tend to fluctuate, so don’t take them too seriously.  JFK didn’t even make the top five, but I’m not bitter.  We can’t be number one at everything.  We’re number one in rats, so that’s something.  

“No free food in economy? Let them drink wine.”

Marie Antoinette
(had she ever flown in an airplane) 

The airport has 9 passenger terminals and 4 parallel runways, which allow for an enormous amount of air traffic even on days with marginal weather.  Most airports lose significant capacity during weather events, leading to the delays and cancelations the news media loves to cover.  Airports were built assuming a more docile climate.  Ironically LAX, built in a very docile climate, possesses such resilience in case of adverse weather. 

In 2017 LAX had over 700,000 aircraft movements, which equates to about 2,000 per day.  Frankly, it is surprising more aircraft don’t bump into each other.  I am continually awestruck by what the FAA has accomplished in regards to passenger safety, and wish more industries (like medicine) would study their processes.  If aviation had the same annual death toll as driving, about 38,000 people annually in the U.S. (that tally does not include life-altering injuries), there would be no aviation industry.  Nobody would dare set foot on a plane, we’d be too scared.  Human emotions …  

I digress. 

In my travels I have noticed airports reflect the area they serve.  LGA’s infamous grit and dilapidation fit a New York City in the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ‘90s, but that city no long exists.  Naked hostility from airline workers is now frowned upon, so the entire staff at JFK had to be replaced.  LAX has been under construction since 2008, and it likely will be for the rest of our lives.  The airport is getting a nip-tuck for the 2028 Olympics.  

Currently LGA and JFK are also being remade into fancy malls and boutique restaurants that serve craft beer, with soaring open ceilings and Instagrammable backdrops, for a new, wealthier generation of air traveler who demands more amenities and not a roach infested dark cave with urine stained carpets.  LAX has a gaming club, where teenagers and middle aged men avoiding their families can pay $25 per hour to play video games in sublime comfort on high definition displays.  I don’t think drinks are included.  Exclusive airline lounges have become big business.  There actually aren’t enough of them to satisfy demand.  Not interested in shopping high-end brands?  Try a spa treatment or massage before your flight.  Or take a nap.  There are places to pay for that, too.  The airport IS the destination.  

Millennials seem willing to pay for perks and comfort, where as Baby Boomers seem to collectively agree we all should suffer equally through this ordeal and do so without complaint.  So what the carpet is stained.  Don’t touch it and you’ll be fine.  For my generation, it’s not enough to be awed by soaring across the face of God to far off lands.  We should also be comfortable (and robustly entertained) during all phases of the journey.  

The thing is, money spent on airports pays dividends.  A study done in 2014 said LAX operations employed directly or indirectly about 600,000 people and contributed 127 billion dollars to the local economy.  That’s five times the GDP of Iceland.  Every year LAX pays about 7.6 billion to the Federal government in taxes, which is more money than most rural states.  

I like airports.  I always have.  When I was younger my poor parents would truck out to Orlando International Airport (MCO) so I could watch the planes and ride the monorail.  It was an hour ride out and back in shit traffic, and adult me cannot believe they did this.  Like, what rational human wants to hang out at an airport?  My nephew once asked if he could hold my hand while walking down stairs, stairs I was also going down at the same time as he.  I think I said something to the effect of, “Piss off.”  But nicely.   

Airports connect improbable locales and feel replete with possibility.  Through this door I can go to Rio, or through this door, London.  Each choice radically changes my path, depositing me into an entirely different location, culture, and, sometimes, season.  Airports also have their own rules of mannerly behavior and social norms, none of which are posted.  You have to figure it out through repeated experience.  For some reason cocktails are appropriate at any hour of the day.

I do suspect this unabashedly non-egalitarian approach rankles passengers who are not familiar with the unspoken rules and hierarchies of air travel; the infrequent flyer.  Hence the uptick in air rage.  It’s amusing on planes.  Less amusing when the angry mob escorts you to the guillotine because they’re tired of you having all the economic perks in a system they don’t understand.  “No free food in Economy?  Let them drink wine.” 

Airports are an enchanting collision of possibility, technology, human emotion, chaos, and pajamas.  This is my domain.  It’s a weird world I’ve grown to love.  LAX is like many airports within the developed world:  A sprawling mess being remade into a grand, luxurious jewel worthy for a new generation of traveler.  If the construction doesn’t drive you insane first.