Here we are again, saying goodbye and parting ways.  What a Spring!  I’m not sure how many miles we’ve flown together, but I’m now, by some esoteric airline math, a Platinum member.  Exciting, right?  I get thanked a lot by various Delta employees, who all seem to know my name.  That’s awkward.  I do appreciate the little touches various employees add.  People don’t have to be nice.

So what was this?  Like, what the heIl am I doing here, 5000 miles from home?  I don’t know either.  I have been searching for a way to button this series up, give it a satisfying close, and send you on your way.  Instead, I have loose threads and questions. 

Hawaii has branded itself well.  It’s the exotic place that’s not too exotic.  You get street cred for traveling here.  Sexy selfies for the IG.  There are flower necklaces.  You can mail coconuts instead of postcards.  You say, “Aloha!” and “Mahalo!”, and feel like you speak the local dialect.  Instead of waving thanks, you make a Shaka sign, known as the “hang loose,” likely a reference to testicles, because, honestly what isn’t a reference to male dangly bits?  Actually, I think its origin is more complex but the double entendre cannot be an accident.  Three alohas and a Shaka shake, you’re practically a local!  Did I also mention the language is phonetic?  Pronunciation is no problem.  I’m so cultured!

Some thoughts.

Let’s talk beaches.  Hawaii has beautiful beaches.  There are black sand beaches, there are regular beaches, all with spectacular views of volcanoes and stunning sunsets.  Many beaches have amenities, like showers and bathrooms.  The water is a blue you cannot imagine.  Some beaches are remote, some are busy, some have waves, and some do not.  Where else can we east coasters find such beaches? 

Well, for starters, the entire eastern seaboard.  Florida is nothing but beaches (and crazy people).  North Carolina?  Georgia?  They have beaches, too.  Yes, yes, but what about the stunning landscapes?  Fine, go to St. Lucia.  Okay, but what about crystal clear, blue water?  Try almost any country in the Caribbean.  Cold water?  Go north.  Maine has cold and rocky beaches.  You’ll hardly notice how depressed you are in the 60 degree water.  Warm water?  Go south.  Key West is warmer and they too have rocky beaches with little sand.  

Which is another thing.  Sand.  Volcanic rocks are super, super interesting to learn about and examine.  They are not welcomed when walking barefoot to the ocean.  I missed sand.  Not only on shore, but in the immediate area I was swimming offshore.  People had real trouble navigating the rocks.  Several fell.  I know because I watched them.  I wasn’t any more graceful, though.  I empathized with their plight.  I watched this one guy, who was very heavy, try to exit the water for ten minutes.  His wife barely managed, and she was not strong enough to help him.  Between the slippery rocks, lack of shoes, and sea anemones tucked into rocks he was effectively stuck.  Yes, some people stare at hot people behind their sunglasses while “hanging loose” on the shore.  I examine the struggles of unprepared mainlanders also realizing they miss sand.  Sadly, where on Earth are you going to find sandy beaches?  It’s not like the majority of beaches are, in fact, sandy.   

Snorkeling was an absolute highlight.  We spent a good two hours out, bobbing around looking at the stunning reef and plentiful fish.  What an experience, and I likely will never forget it.  

I have snorkeled 4 times in my life, so I remember them all.  They were all amazing, except for the first one where I almost drowned.  Now I know to use a life vest or pool noodle, problem solved.  To fly half way across the Pacific to swim over a reef feels excessive and a misuse of resources.

Resorts!  Hawaii does resorts well.  Who doesn’t?  If I want to live the resort life while being faux exposed to local culture, there’ll always be Mexico.  Or Belize.  Or the Bahamas.  Or Vegas.  I don’t think any deep truths or cultural nuances are to be found at all-you-can-eat Luau’s at the Hilton.  They have good food, they have hard-working actors and staff who present a great show for your enjoyment.  They are fun, enjoyable affairs that you do as a family.  Let’s just not pretend we’re wading too deep into the weeds of Polynesian culture.  I don’t go around eating lox and cream cheese on a bagel and proclaim I understand something fundamental about being Jewish.

Volcanos?  Certainly fascinating to study if you’re into vulcanology and geology, which I am.  Astronomy?  Probably some of the best star gazing in the world.  You’ll need to dress for success, though.  It’s no-joke cold up in them hills, and if you only packed sandals and tees life will not be pleasant.  Military history?  Loads.  I’m bummed I didn’t get to pay my respects.  But I didn’t spend a lot of time exploring volcanos.  Most of the astronomy activities were closed due to COVID.  No Pearl Harbor, either.

I am capable of complex emotional states.  I can be glad I visited and at the same time never plan to return.  Travel is a privilege, and I am grateful to have experienced this improbable island “nation.”  We ate well, the food here is a delicious collision of many cultures.  (Sorta like New York.)  Everyone was very friendly.  The floral and fauna just breathtaking, if similar to most other tropical climates.  I leave here filled with gratitude for my privilege that allows me to visit.  It  just puzzles me why anyone comes here from far away, and how Hawaii, apart from great marketing, positioned itself as this really unique place filled with wonder when very little is truly that unique or wonderful.   

Mai tais are delicious, but flavored sugar water mixed with various alcohols and fruit usually is.  Hawaiian shirts are still tacky, even in Hawaii.  And apparently Hawaiian Pizza wasn’t even invented here.  Great marketing aside, the things Hawaii offers are found elsewhere for often a fraction of the cost, for much less flying time, for much less effort.  In a world of limited resources, none of this makes sense.  

Regardless, the time spent with friends and family is invaluable to me.  We have so little time in this life.  That’s what I will keep close to my heart, and that’s what I’ll remember.  That is the story I can tell.  And that’s what I’ll leave you with.

As always, thank you for joining me.  I very much appreciate it.  If you are departing the travelogue here, mahalo and keep it loose.  Thank you for joining us. 

Our next trip takes place in November to Paris.  Tickets are bought, the AirBnB paid.  In a week or so I’ll send out a note when all the pics from South Africa and this trip are online.  Feel free to peruse at your leisure.  If you’d like one, please let me know.

From Honolulu and Delta 1552, aloha.  I look forward to the day we meet again.