My exit from Maui was not glorious.  I waited too late to get a rapid COVID test and no appointments were available anywhere on the island.  I should have booked a test the Wednesday I arrived.  Instead, I waited till Friday morning to seriously think about it.  I called around, desperate to find a testing center that the Hawaiian government uses for travel.  With RBD web help, and my Arizona friends’ patience, we managed to secure a non-rapid test from a provider who was not listed on the official testing website but was cleared for inter-island travel.  I paid extra to expedite the test. 

Friday came and went.  Saturday morning I am unable to check into my flight for some unknown reason.  I negotiate the lines at the airport, manage to secure a boarding pass, only to find out my Known Traveler Number is not attached to this reservation.  I have to use the regular security line.  I still have no test results and am now in danger of missing my flight unless I cut in front of hundreds of fellow travelers.  

Without tests results, I cannot skip quarantine on the Big Island.  Despite being vaccinated, I would have to isolate for ten days or face a $5,000 fine.  It effectively ends my trip.  The best plan B I figure is to pick up the rental car, hand it over to my cousin who I’m traveling with so they have transportation, spend a night in a hotel in Hilo, and fly home Sunday.  Remember, there are no car rentals to be had in Hawaii for love or money.  People are driving U-Haul pickups and vans around, I even saw a small box truck.  It is critical the rental car is picked up and given to them.  Otherwise their trip gets super complicated.  I learn later you need a negative COVID test to rent a car. 

I make my plane to Honolulu.  They are boarding as I approach.  The entire flight is thirty minutes.  We land and I check my phone — no email.  I grab some coffee and a biscuit since there’s no use trying to figure out my next move without a latte.  I call the urgent care clinic in Maui.  No response.  I leave a voicemail and hope that they call back during my layover in Honolulu.  I figure my test results are in, but with “island time” and the casualness of life here nobody’s gotten around to letting me know.  I sit and wait.  There’s nothing else I can do. 

Fifteen minutes to boarding, my phone rings.  It’s them.  Sounding as relaxed as I can, I explain my predicament and inquire about my results.  Turns out the woman I’m speaking with is married to the doctor who can access my test.  I think they jointly run this chain of urgent care clinics throughout Hawaii.  Alas, he’s out for coffee.  She looks up his location on her Tesla app and lets me know he’ll be back soon.  We end up having a fun chat about how difficult it would be to have an affair given all the tracking tech in our phones and cars.  That Helena, she’s a real spit-fire.  It was a fun conversation.  Also, my flight is boarding in minutes.  At this point, I plan to fly to Hilo and wait in the airport if my results are not available.  Nothing says I have to go through the health screening checkpoint immediately after arriving.  I just hope the system takes my form, since you’re supposed to upload documentation before travel and we’re well into our journey by now.     

True to her word, the results come minutes later.  Negative.  I whip out my laptop and connect to the airport wifi.  I grab the PDF from my email and upload it to the Hawaiian Safe Traveler website and cross my fingers.  The site seems to crash, so I try again.  “Accepted,” it reads.  I’m cleared to skip quarantine in Hilo.  I send a nice note to Helena thanking her for saving my ass, pack up my toys, and hustle to the gate.  It’s a walk, and as I arrive they are calling my zone. 

Despite the happy ending, this whole thing is amateur hour.  I just got lucky.  While every single thing working correctly is great, during international travel it’s a rookie move to assume it will.  RBD and I always give space that allows for mishaps to occur and be resolved.  What if my laptop had no charge?  The airport wifi was offline?  The specimen lost?  The Tesla broke down?  We plan contingencies for what happens if things do go wrong because operating on the assumption nothing will go awry isn’t a serious way to travel … or live life.  Things always go awry because humans can only accomplish very little before fucking it up.  

So I’m lucky, not good.  I rolled the dice, kept my cool, and got it done.  I recommend a better approach for your travel adventures. 

Before we discuss Hilo and the Big Island, let’s finish up with Maui.   

You saw the above picture of Haleakala on the first day.  Here it is again.  Do you see those tiny white dots in the middle of the image at the top of the mountain?  Those are the observatories I photographed.  It was quite a climb for our poor rental car, which did not go willingly onto that mountain apex.  Notice the population is clumped along the coast, which is why the population density is high despite there being relatively few people.  

Haleakala crater, mini-mountains of frozen lava.  For scale, remember the largest cinder cone is about the same size as the Empire State Building.  Also evident are the lava flows from eruptions past.  The two peaks in the far distance are the mountains of the Big Island.  This is where I am as I write this.  

All beaches in Hawaii are public, so resorts cannot close them off to paying guests.  There is usually public parking and signed access to all beaches, which can vary in size, shape, amount of sand, and rockiness.  Some beaches are sandy and flat, others are rocky with lot of seaweed, while others have no sand but are known for great snorkeling.  Each beach has a personality almost.  

Eroding volcanic rock does not a great beach make.  The sea smoothes the rocks given time, but that doesn’t make them comfortable to walk or lounge on.  I suspect sand is imported to make some of these beaches.  If traveling here, bring water shoes with thick soles. 

Whether home-grown or imported sand, the view from these beaches is often too beautiful to be real.